The Internet Date
Dear Weirdo,
So, I gave you my phone number because I wanted you to call me to go on A DATE. I figured the redeeming quality of going on humiliating internet dates was that i might get a free meal out of the awkward silence. But no, YOU SENT ME A FUCKING TEXT MESSAGE. Actually, you sent me THREE. And the last one was like “um, are we still going to go out?”
Here is the scoop; you don’t meet and get to know a person VIA TEXT MESSAGE. I actually wanted to pre-screen you prior to going out into public with you in the event that you were obnoxious and embarrassing. If i had wanted to continue WRITING YOU, I could have continued to send you internet dating site messages. A phone number is for CALLING, not texting.
And that is why you are single, weirdo.
xo
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