photographic evidence of douchbagery

dear “candidate”:

here is a transcription as best as i can recall from last night at the karaoke bar:

you: “you are so delicious!”
me: “that’s a weird way to describe a person. you aren’t going to bite me are you?”
you: “haha, you are TOO FUNNY. no, i’m not going to eat you…. well i might eat you but..”
me:  “excuse me?”
you: “you seem like a girl that wants to have sex tonight.”
me: “(awkward pause) uhhhh, i do? what makes you say that?”
you: “i am just letting you know that i’m a candidate.”
me: “wow. i have no words.”

p.s. thanks for posing so frequently with you pulling up your shirt and exposing your left nipple and abs. i now have photos i can submit to hotchickswithdouchebags.com. and no, i won’t sleep with you. and no, i don’t want to date you either. consider it over already.