ah, sweet sweet yoga man.  why is your presence a guarantee i will suddenly fall into a state of mental defection?

when you invited me to participate in your yoga class, i really didn’t think much of it. i have taken a yoga class before and it was fine; my coworker enthusiastically agreed to attend with me. but the day of the class, i became a neurotic mess, and my friend bailed.

internal dialogue, 7:30 am: “should i not go? i don’t want to go. HOW LAME IF I GO ALONE. except how preplanned if i go with someone, i’ll skip it, that so STUPID, i set my alarm, i SHOULD JUST GO…. i’m going. i don’t have time to do my hair, I CAN’T GO, wait people don’t curl their hair for yoga, its EXERCISE and you don’t want to look like you dressed up for him, that’s OBVIOUS, let’s see what the mirror says, hair is okay… i’m getting in the car.”

and so i went to your yoga class…but all still was not well, because YOU MAKE ME NERVOUS, and as it turns out i am terrible at yoga. all the breathing in the world could not calm my heart rate.  everytime i you came near, i felt an adrenaline rush. and the adjustments you made to my form made me both incredibly excited and terribly embarassed.

internal dialogue, 10 am: “is he touching me just to touch me? YES… no, my downward dog is terrible… i’m TERRIBLE….is he touching my thigh? is that a sexy touch or a yoga touch? STOP TELLING ME TO BREATHE, I CAN’T BREATHE WITH YOU TELLING ME TO BREATHE!”

ultimately the class devolved into a hot, sweaty mess of me, shaking like a leaf as i tried to maintain ridiculous poses.  i debated quitting, “should i look lazy or weak? lazy or weak? lazy or weak?”  but in the end i chose weak and stuck it out.  i was so exhausted by the end of the ordeal that i really couldn’t seriously consider your offer to meet up later.  i was too tired and self conscious, so i went home and took a nap.

xoxoxox