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Letter to My Exes

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spanky

November11

dear spanky,

i was always too good for you. you had a hairy back and substandard dental care growing up. and my grandma hated you…for no reason, but still… perhaps she had some intuiton.

thanks for the cats. god knows why i would be possessed to have partnership in owning cats with you, but i did. and you almost ruined them after we broke up by overfeeding them until they looked like obese furry basketballs. thank god you came to your senses and handed them over.

xo

posted under over a year

2 Comments to

“spanky”

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Who am I? Does it MATTER? I am single woman in a big city, and since I work in a cool restaurant, I get hit on… A LOT. Working behind a bar allows me constant access to speed dating. However, it doesn’t do much for filtering my suitors.

I’m the epitome of unlucky in love. But I have a choice: be heartbroken and bitter, or develop a freaking sense of humor about the whole thing so we can all laugh about it. Granted, sometimes my caustic remarks can come across as bitter, but its all in good fun, right?

Oh, and the content? None of it is fiction. I can’t make up shit as funny as what has really happened to me. But i will strive to keep it anonymous.

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