Dear DILF,

hey, its been a while since i erased your phone number out of my cell phone. but i happened to be ordering a breakfast burrito over the weekend. it wasn’t so much at a restaurant as… a stand. you know, the kind of place that falls between the definition of “taco trailer” and actual restaurant. we sat on lawn chairs to eat…. i digress. i wanted to congratulate you on your acting, because there was a POSTER OF YOUR FACE posted on the side of the stand. it was a small poster, advertising that fairly boring play i saw you in oh…. a year ago. apparently the stand is lax about their decor.

anyways, its been a while. did you stay separated from that raw foodist that left you for a fat actor in malibu, or did he eventually kick her skinny ass out? i’m pretty sure you did based on photos i saw on facebook, but maybe you found another yoga obsessed anorexic that just looks like the old one. i never got to tell you that i’m pretty sure i saw your son outside my work throwing rocks at buses as they drove by. he’s got great aim, is he on the baseball team?

i’m sorry things didn’t work out for us….i feel like i never got to really explain since you went to mexico without really telling me when you were leaving OR when you were returning, but i was kind of creeped out when you showed up with a guitar at my house…sweaty. i can’t imagine why your band didn’t work out, though i am pretty sure it wasn’t the “knucklehead drummer.” and i wasn’t really into all the talking you did mid-kissing, you know, describing your inner dialogue out loud. for whatever reason, i found it distracting and weird.

anyways, hope to see you in the neighborhood soon! we should catch up.

xo

I see you DILF!